What Happens In Oklahoma

03. Thank Hera For Bath Rests

Author: The-Lady-Isis

Summary: What happens in Oklahoma, stays in Oklahoma." But what if what happens in Oklahoma decides it doesn't want to be left there...? BMWW, based on 'The Once And Future Thing'.

Once they’d eaten - some kind of questionable meat that Diana really didn’t want to inspect any further - night had fallen, and Bruce still found himself outvoted. She had a feeling John had sided with her because he was finding amusement at Bruce’s expense, but as long as she got her way she didn’t really mind what his motivations were. They crept out of the saloon without being seen and tiptoed around the back of the jail. Bruce jimmied open a window quickly at they all slipped silently through, Diana creeping forward to peer around the corner.

There was only one guard, but he was armed. She went back to the other two and explained the situation in a whisper.

“If he shoots I could block it, but the noise will alert others,” she said.

The other two nodded. “We could scare him,” John suggested. “Make him pass out from that.”

Bruce nodded. “Good idea. Nineteenth century, they’re likely to be more superstitious than our time. Can you create something suitable?”

GL nodded. “I reckon I can do a decent ghost.”

He raised his ring, and the glowing green spectre appeared.

Diana giggled, while Bruce smirked. Instead of a terrifying vision of bone and fear, John had basically managed to recreate Casper the Friendly Ghost. Even to someone living in the nineteenth century it wouldn’t be scary.

John blinked, shook his ring and retracted Casper. He looked between his friends. “Can we-”

“What happens in Oklahoma,” Bruce assured him in a whisper.

Diana sobered. “Why don’t you try again, John.”

He did - and it worked this time; the light-ghost was truly frightening. John nodded smugly and sent it around the corner.

“Argh!”

Once they’d heard the thud of the guard hitting the far wall, the three of them followed the ghost. “I’ll get the door,” John said. Impatient, Diana simply grabbed the door and pulled it from its frame with barely an effort. “Or that.”

“I’d get out of town if I were you,” Bruce said to the man they’d just released.

“I’d like to,” he smiled, “but my papi always said: man who sticks his head in the sand makes a pretty good target. I got business to conclude before I leave.” He stuck his hand out and shook Diana’s hand with a friendly grin. “Bartholomew Aloysius Lash. Friends call me Bat. Bat Lash.”

“I’m John. These are my friends Diana and uh…”

“Bruce.” Diana had to hide a smile at his less-than-impressed tone.

“We’re lawmen, looking to bring a criminal to justice,” John finished.

“You may have seen him,” Diana said. “He’s got amazing machines. We think the man who put you in here works for him.”

Suddenly a voice spoke up from the other cell. “Not quite, Wonder Woman.”

Diana frowned. “How do you know who I am?”

“Because he’s the man we’re looking for,” Bruce said, brushing past her.

The man nodded and gave a little bow. Diana had grown up with people bowing to her mother, and she knew the difference between real deference and fakery. “David Clinton, inventor of the chronosuit, at your disposal.”

John did not look all that impressed either. “You tried to steal Batman’s utility belt.”

“And you chased me,” he said, looking now a little irritated as he carried on with his explanation. “But time tunnels are somewhat counter-intuitive; even though you were only seconds behind me, I arrived here nearly six months before you did.”

“Where’s your time travel device?” Bruce asked.

He heaved a sigh. “Now that’s a story. As soon as I got here, I was robbed.”

“By Tobias Manning,” Diana assumed.

He nodded. “Yes, ma’am. He took my suit and used it to take over this town. He keeps taking trips to the future and coming back with stolen technology. Keeps me here to teach him how to use the stuff that he can’t figure out for himself.”

Bat Lash chuckled. “Which I’d suspect is most of it, what with him bein’ so mule-stupid and all.”

“It’s been horrible here, humiliating,” Clinton complained. “I just want to go home, I’ll gladly take my punishment if you help me get back!”

“How did Tobias take over a whole town with a time machine?” John wondered.

“Future-tech, like his extra-dimensional six-gun,” Clinton shrugged.

“And his surveillance cameras,” Bruce noted, nodding at the camera mounted on the wall. It blinked menacingly at them. “We need to go, now!”

Diana frowned at Clinton, then yanked the cell-door off. “You’re with us.”

As John and Bat Lash moved away, she couldn’t help the little smile on her face as she heard the cowboy say, “That’s a healthy gal.”

They made their way to the door, GL opening the door - only to be met by a barrage of gunfire. He created a shield and backed off slightly while he looked around, doing a recon and marking where all the shooters were.

“I’ve got their position, I’m going to take them down!” he yelled.

“Don’t hurt anyone; we could accidentally change history,” Diana warned from behind the desk.

“Little late for that, don’t you think?” he shot back.

She didn’t have time to reply, since the formerly unconscious guard burst in. Clinton squirmed, and Diana tightened her grip as Bruce took care of him. The man pulled out his gun, then looked sceptically at Bruce’s gun-less belt. Bruce only smirked. “Go ahead. Give me an excuse.”

The man went for his gun; Bruce simply yanked it out of his hand and then punched him, felling him like a log.

Suddenly the constant rat-tat of the gunfire stuttered, then almost stopped altogether.

John narrowed his eyes. “Something’s happening out there.”

Bat Lash put his hand on GL’s shoulder. “Somethin’s happenin’ alright. The cavalry’s arrived.”

Within a few moments, the gunfire from outside had stopped completely, and they exited the jail to see three men standing in front of them.

“Who are you people?” John asked.

The man at the front inclined his head. “Sherriff Ohiyesa Smith.”

It was the turn of the masked man. “El Diablo, ever at the service of justice.”

“Jonah Hex,” the final man grunted out. He had a horrid facial disfigurement, but Diana had seen a lot worse, and the man reminded her slightly of Bruce – she couldn’t ever imagine feeling pity for him, even though he’d obviously suffered greatly. He reloaded his weapon somewhat ominously. “Don’t have a lotta time for jawin’. In these parts there’s an abundance of bad men who need settin’ straight. If you all are workin’ for Tobias there’s gonna be difficulty.”

Bat Lash put his hands up. “Easy, Jonah, they’re with me. They helped me out of a spot while I was here incognito tryin’ to find out more about Tobias.”

“What have you learned?” the sheriff asked.

“Among other moral failings, the man cheats at poker.”

Jonah grunted out a chuckle. “Heh. I coulda told ya that.”

“Why don’t you start from the beginning?” Bruce said, taking charge.

While Ohiyesa explained what had led them to this point, Diana tightened her grip slightly when Clinton shifted under her hand. At his small gasp of pain, she loosened it slightly, but couldn’t shake off the feeling of irrational dislike.

“…treats the townspeople like slaves,” the sheriff finished, “…that’s unacceptable to me.”

“The sherriff went looking for men who would help take Tobias down,” El Diablo explained. “He found us.”

“What’s your stake in this?” Jonah asked with narrowed eyes.

“We’re lawmen too,” John said.

“From back east?”

“Sure,” Bruce said.

Diana thrust Clinton forward. “We came here to bring this man to justice. Indirectly, he’s the source of your trouble too.”

“Tobias stole a weapon from him. It’s the source of his ‘magic’,” GL told them.

“We’ll need to take that weapon back,” Bruce said, warning in his voice just in case they were thinking of using it themselves.

“Since we all want pretty much the same thing, we should work together,” Diana suggested.

Ohiyesa nodded. “I ain’t about to turn down help.”

“What’s the plan?” John asked.

“Plan?” Jonah snorted. “Huh. We put ‘im in the ground.”

“It ain’t somewhere you wanna attack in the dark though,” Bat pointed out. “We'll have to wait till dawn.”

“Then we have about eight hours to kill,” Diana said.

“Let’s head back to the saloon first,” Bruce suggested. “We could all do with some rest.”

They all nodded, and headed toward the building. The townspeople, while they hadn’t been exactly rude before, seemed delighted to see Ohiyesa, especially since he’d managed to clear out Manning’s thugs from the town. The bartender supplied them with bourbon as a thank you.

“Any ideas?” Diana asked as they sat down, personally feeling a little too wired for sleep.

“Poker?” John suggested.

“Sure,” Bat agreed. “‘Long as you don’t play by the same rules as Tobias.”

“What are the rules?” Diana asked, never having played before. Wally had taught her other card games, but hadn’t gotten round to poker.

“Have a seat, I’ll show ya,” he grinned, pulling out a chair for her. He pulled out a much-used deck of cards from an inside pocket as everyone else sat down too. “Now since you’re new to this, we’ll just play a practice round first,” he winked.

She narrowed her eyes, recognising patronisation when she heard it, but passed no comment. Bat didn’t give her the chance to pick up her hand, doing it himself and putting the cards in her hands while conveniently shifting closer. Bruce shot a glare at him – which judging by GL’s chuckle did not go unnoticed – and Bat Lash moved back again sharply. In a voice slightly higher than it had been before, he began to explain the rules; but after calling Diana ‘doll’ for the sixth time, and receiving a glare from the Amazon too, he also stopped patronising her, motioning to Jonah to carry on. Diana picked it up quickly and within a few minutes they were playing in earnest.

It was a tense game – for everyone except Bruce and Jonah, who could have been frozen for all the emotion they displayed, but Bruce had to admit, for a novice, Diana’s poker face was pretty good. Probably came from being around politicians. She did have a tell though – she’d lick her bottom lip when she got dealt a bad hand, though once she’d done that it was difficult to keep his mind on poker. Finally, with the strongest position ebbing and flowing between all of them, the game reached its climax.

“Alright, show ‘em,” Ohiyesa said.

Starting with John, they went around the table, each revealing their hands. “Two tens, two jacks and a nine.”

“All reds,” El Diablo grinned.

“Queen and four sevens,” Bat said.

Bruce laid his on the table. “Straight flush.”

It was Diana’s turn next, but she hesitated, frowning. “I don’t understand,” she said suddenly.

“Just show us your cards, Diana,” John encouraged.

She shrugged and did so. “Four queens and a king. But I was under the impression that there was only one card of each number in each suit.” Her eyes flicked over to Bat’s cards. “So how can we both have the queen of diamonds?”

The men all turned to glare at Bat. “You cheated?”

“Hey, hey, hey!” he protested, putting his hands up in an innocent gesture. “How d’you know it wasn’t her?”

Jonah tipped his hat up. “You accusin’ a lady of cheatin’?”

Angered at the slur on her honour, Diana tossed her hair back. “I would never do such a thing!”

“Of course you wouldn’t, señorita,” El Diablo assured. “We know the fault does not lie with you.”

“Besides which-” Bruce said, grabbing Bat’s wrist and shaking it, causing two cards to fall onto the table, “-Diana’s not the one with a pair of aces up her sleeve.”

John, El Diablo, Diana and the sheriff all burst into speech, shouting at Bat. Bruce let it go on for another few minutes before he got up from the table and headed up the stairs. The others eventually settled down again, Diana slightly mollified when she won the next game. She took the money and headed upstairs after saying goodnight. The poker had done a lot to drain the tension out of her, and she needed to be well-rested for the battle tomorrow. With Tobias’s future-tech, there was no way of telling how fierce the battle was going to be.

As she walked down the corridor, a maid came out of one of the rooms. Diana smiled at her, and the older woman winked. “The bath’s – er – full, ma’am.”

Diana nodded and smiled again, a little confused since she’d not ordered a bath but grateful for the opportunity anyway. She didn’t know what the previous owner of these clothes had been doing in them but it had resulted in an atrocious smell whatever it had been. Taking off her hat, she opened the door already beginning to unbutton her shirt. And froze in the doorway.

It was several seconds before a thought crossed her mind other than sweet Aphrodite – and then it was: thank Hera for bath rests.

Bruce was in the tub already. A very, very naked Bruce. Thankfully the bath rest on which the soap was stationed was in the right position – or the wrong position part of her mind whispered – and prevented her seeing too much. Or not enough.

Apparently he was as shocked to see her as she was him, since he didn’t do anything except stare for a moment. Finally Diana snapped back to her senses. Blushing a furious crimson, she clapped a hand over her eyes.

“Oh Hera, I’m sorry, I…it’s just the maid said the bath was ready and I didn’t even consider she might mean-”

“Diana.”

“I mean if I had there’s no way I would have-”

“Diana.”

“I’m going to leave right now, I-”

“Diana!”

She peeked from between her fingers again, promptly wiping her mind of all conscious thought once more. “…yes?”

The grin made an appearance, which she supposed was an automatic response for him when he was – gloriously, her mind whispered – nude. After all, she was pretty sure Batman didn't ever get naked. “Let’s just add it to the list of ‘what happens in Oklahoma stays in Oklahoma’.”

She nodded eagerly. “Alright.” His expression changed to vague amusement when she didn’t move. “Oh, right, I’ll just-”

Without another word, she bolted from the room and flew into her own. Once inside, she leant against the door, knocking her head against it a few times. “Stupid, stupid, stupid! What the Hades were you thinking, Diana?” Though to be fair, she challenged any woman to do any thinking with a naked Bruce Wayne mere feet away. Hera that was going to be embarrassing tomorrow. Fantasies were fine, but that was entirely different. A whole lot better for a start, and Diana had a sinking feeling that that image wasn’t going to be nearly as easy to dispel as her fantasies were.

Sitting down on the edge, she removed her boots, still mentally berating herself, while not being totally unaware of the ache that had begun to tease at her senses. She was no stranger to lust, or how to assuage it…admittedly she’d never assuaged it with anyone else, but at least it was a need that she could take care of. Making sure the door was locked, she undressed slowly, running her fingers along her own flesh to rub against the most sensitive points on her body. The bed wasn’t particularly comfortable, but at this moment in time it didn’t need to be, and Diana lay on the mattress in anticipation, letting her mind dwell on the still blazing memory while her fingers went on the move again.

Ten minutes later, she threw her head back onto the pillow with a groan of frustration. It wasn’t working. Not even imagining herself in the tub with him had brought her any closer to release. Sighing, she sat up and threw her legs over the side of the bed again. Great. Now she was tense about the battle and aroused. Wonderful combination.

It was moments like this when she hated being attracted to him. Though even she had to admit that when they were on missions like this, it was probably a good idea they weren’t in a relationship. Not for any of the reasons Bruce had come up with, but there was almost no doubt that it would be a distraction. If it were a purely physical relationship…that would have many benefits, especially now. It would be the perfect way to release tension, for both of them. She knew Bruce well enough to know when the man needed to relax. Which…thinking about it, was all of the time, since Bruce probably hadn’t truly relaxed in at least twenty years.

Diana wasn’t naïve; a novice, perhaps, in the art of sex, but she had no preconceptions that the act itself had to have anything to do with love. She was sure that helped, but in her current situation, allowing her body to follow its desire blindly would be far more beneficial to her overall state of mind. Not that she imagined Bruce would believe her if she told him she really did just want sex.

She tapped her fingers in an irritated fashion, then stilled as a thought struck her. He had said…And it was a solution…All she needed to do was…

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