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What The Flamin'
Posted:
01.04.2006
Author: Batman_Wolverine
Rating: PG15
Summary: Wolverine and Storm are having some
very serious discussions…..with Logan trying his
level best to control his tongue.
“What the flamin’….?”
“Logan!” The feral mutant famously or
infamously known the world over as the Wolverine,
cringed like a wet-puppy at the regal voice from the
next room, an easy but firm admonishment clear in
the honey smooth yet naturally husky tone.
“Sorry ‘Ro,” as quick as the apology was, it was
just as false, a fact the Nubian beauty knew from
years of hearing it.
“Logan,” Ororo’s silvery tresses cradled head poked
from the side of the door, her snow colored eyebrow
quirked in knowing amusement.
“She can’t hear…”
“What the flamin’, what the flamin’, what the flamin’,”
a playful voice squeaked from the porch.
“You were saying?” Ororo stood straight to her full
height, crossing her arms at her chest to present
her goddess persona.
“Uh, yeah, uh….” Logan scratched the back of his
head, fumbling over his words.
“Let me guess, sorry ‘Ro,” Ororo supplied a corner
of her lips curving up in an amused smirk.
His goose or in his case, Adamantium encased bones
ready to be cooked, Logan made a very intelligent
decision, he remained silent.
---
“What is it this time?” Ororo relented. Loosening
up, she flopped down on the couch, next to the denim
shorts and plain white t-shirt clad Wolverine.
“This,” Logan scowled as he shoved the computer
print-out in front of her.
“What is….oh,” Ororo trailed off mid-sentence, her
twin sapphire like eyes momentarily widening at
reading the first line of what seemed to be a
wedding invitation.
“What the fu…what is this ‘Ro?” Even in his anger
Logan found his control over his rather free
language.
“This,” Ororo put on an innocent look as she held up
the page. That action of hers was for a very
specific reason.
-SNIKT-
RRrrrrrrrippppp!! Except for the part she held in
her hand, the rest of the sheet was shredded into
four equally strips.
“Feeling better.” Ororo’s words were less of a
question for of a sarcastic statement.
“Harrumph,” Logan hung his head and exhaled audibly.
Ororo barely controlled the laughter bubbling up in
her throat. In that position, he looked very much
like an innocent child, a child with muscles on his
muscles, a mutton chop to write home about and three
foot long metal claws hidden underneath his
forearm….but a child nonetheless.
-----
“Logan, you need to control yourself,” Ororo said,
wanting to bite her own tongue as soon as the words
left her lips. She might as well have had said that
he should give up on his cigars, beer or steaks.
“What do ya expect ‘Ro?” Logan pouted, holding up
the shredded piece. Those Fu…sers at Marvel are
gonna marry ya off to that pi…e-wad T’Challa and I
ain’t gonna do anything about it. Not gonna happen,
not in this life time atleast. Just look at the
freakin’ invitation,” he started to read from it.
“The Royal Family of Wakanda requests your presence
as His shittin’ Highness, Prince T’Challa is
joined in matrimony with Ororo Monroe.”
“Logan,” Ororo laid a hand against Wolverine’s
bunched up shoulders, both of them feeling the spike
of seemingly electrical energy surge through them
just from such a simple contact. “You know nothing
is going is going to come out of it. It is just a
marketing stunt. The readers have been put off by
the recent House of M arc. It was meant to shake the
Marvel universe and shake it did…”
“….just in the wrong direction,” Logan growled,
completing her sentence as if by telepathy.
“Yes,” Ororo nodded. “See the half dozen or so new
comic series or miniseries they have started, New
Excalibur, Son of M, X-Men: Deadly Genesis, The 198,
and Generation M. It is all to get as much mileage
from this as they can before the readers’ interest
wanes.”
“Yeah, I know,” Logan’s scowl deepened. “The freaks
didn’t even leave Jubes. Took the poor kid’s
powers.”
“Someone say my name?” The spiky haired, pink
goggled, bubblegum chewing face of Jubilation
‘Jubilee’ Lee leaned in from the front door.
“NO,” both Ororo and Logan chimed up at once.
They knew about and had personally experienced
Jubilee’s rants and weren’t in any mood to listen to
another one….anytime soon.
“Sheesh. What a couple of spoil sports,” Jubilee
blew and popped a bubble in their direction.
“Someone listening would think that they didn’t love
me,” she yelled out as she turned away from the
door, to carry on with whatever she was doing before
Logan and Ororo interrupted her.
----
“What was it last time?” Ororo commented, drawing
Logan’s attention to his last such outburst, about
three weeks ago.
“Uh, it was…” he mumbled something under his breath.
“What?” Ororo asked again, louder the second time
around.
“It was that trailer for that new picture they are
making.”
“And the photographs they released,” the ex-goddess
supplied.
“Yeah.”
“I thought you might like that atleast,” Ororo
sighed. “Seeing that we seem to be together in that
one….even if you do get all googly eyed over Jean.”
It was her turn to mutter, and Logan being Logan,
possessor of enhanced senses, hearing being one of
them, caught everything.
“’Ro.”
“Hmph,” Ororo leaned back, her back ramrod straight.
It was her; I am on my way to be annoyed, so you
better get onto some serious ass-kissing, pose.
“’Ro, it wasn’t like that,” Logan turned sideways to
face her. “It wasn’t that I minded us having a thing
in that. I was yer hair in it.”
“My hair?” Ororo echoed, still not completely
convinced.
“Uh-yeah,” Logan nodded. His fingers crossed under
his thigh, he tried to explain himself. “You know,
how they gave you that shi…that pis…uh, that yellow
colored hair in the first one.”
“Yes.” A nod
“And how ya hated it.”
“Yes.” A nod, as well as an hmph.
“And how they got the color right in the second
one.”
“Logan, what are you getting at?” Ororo asked
directly.
“Well,” Logan sighed and ran a hand through his
unruly mane. “I kinda liked it that way. You know,
the way you have it now, long.” He emphasized his
answer by running a hand through Ororo’s snowy
locks, taking advantage of the situation to slide
his fingertips against the side curve of one
generous breast.
WHACK!!
“Logan!” Ororo swatted the frisky hand away,
trying to squelch the effect his single gentle touch
had on her mind and body….her complete body.
“Sorry ‘Ro,” this time his apology was uttered in a
lustful growl, as Logan moved his hand back to a
respectable distance….on Ororo’s cotton skirt thigh.
“You were saying?” Ororo drew his attention to the
matter at hand, not his hand.
“What-oh, yeah. I kinda liked the long hair look,”
Logan started from where he left off. “Mind it, it
was kinda plain, not like yer flowing look, but
atleast it looked good. Even the actress they use,
that Berry chick,” Logan was in full flow now, but
still vigilant for any raised eye from the regal
Ororo. “She’s ok, got a good figure n’ everything…”
“You do have a point in that,” there was that raised
eye. “Don’t you?”
“Oh, uh, yeah,” Logan wanted to carve himself a new
one. “I mean, she a jig and all that. Got a good set
of tits too…”
“Logan.”
“Oh, sorry ‘Ro,” this time Logan did upchuck
himself. “I mean, she’s all that, but she ain’t you.
Yers are bigger,” he slipped in as he continued.
“And his new movie, fu….freakin’, they screwed up
the hair too.”
“What’s wrong with her hair?” Ororo asked as she ran
a hand through her hair, straightening them along
her shoulder and front, her eyes following Logan’s
eyes following her hand.
“Its-Its kinda…” Logan tried to soften his words,
giving up on that fight pretty soon. “It looks as if
someone took the end of a mop and put it on her
head.”
“What?” Ororo gasped, an unguarded chuckle finally
making its way through her lips.
“Hell yeah,” Logan thumped the sofa armrest. “Just
look at it. For cryin’ out loud, she’s got gray in
there. You don’t have gray hair….not even a single
one.”
“Logan, its not….” Ororo started.
“And while we are on that topic, what’s the flamin’
wrong with those other people, the Ultimate ones.”
“What the flamin’, What the flamin’, What the flamin’.”
“Oh shi...fu….damn it,” Logan finally found
something he could use as a measly slang word.
“What did they do to warrant your wrath?” Ororo
sighed, knowing that even if she did not ask, she
was going to get to listen to it.
“They chopped off all yer hair in that one,” Logan
threw up his hand in exasperation. “Made ya look
like street trash for a coupla issues.”
“Logan it was just a….” Ororo tried again.
“And the short hair now,” Logan’s excitement
interrupted her again. “Its just wrong. It makes me
think of Ke …..”
“WOLVIE, STORM. COME OUT QUICK.”
---
Jubilee’s loud screaming charged them both into
action, both x-men out and primed for attack.
“What the….” Logan’s eyes widened to saucer size at
the sight before him. “’Ro, when did this….”
“Uh,” it was Ororo’s turn to hesitate now. “Ta da,
surprise,” she tried levity, the tired arched
eyebrow look she got telling her she failed at it.
“Three days ago,” she finally relented. “I wanted to
surprise you.”
“This is one flamin’ surprise,” Logan growled
half-heartedly, turning his eyes back to the now
drenched Jubilee, and then to the mocha skinned snow
haired child hovering about five feet in the air.
“What the flamin’, What the flamin’, What the flamin’.”
Eight year old, Kendall Logan squealed with joy at
the new trick she had discovered, her happiness
causing a fresh rain cloud to form over Jubilee’s
head.
“WOLVIE,” the Chinese-American teenager cried out.
“Stop her.”
KKRRRAKKABOOM!!
“What the flamin’, What the flamin’, What the flamin’.”
Note: This has been my first
completely ‘light-n’-fluffy’ work in Marvel. Hope
you liked it. The Wolverine and Storm in this one
are not from any specific universe, not even the
What If? One, although the character of Kendall
Logan is from that one.
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