The Wildest Dream and the Worst Nightmare

02. Cohabitation

Author: Icha

Summary: What will happen if Batman faces Wonder Woman AND Catwoman together? I mean literally.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me!”

Zatanna’s exclamation was clearly heard in the depth of the Batcave where the Batman was sitting on his large Bat-throne, doing various things with his super Batcomputer, and Alfred Pennyworth was attending to a very annoyed Catwoman.

“I assure you, we kid you not, Miss Zatanna,” Alfred Pennyworth’s calm voice did nothing to make Zatanna less dumbfounded or Catwoman less fidgeting. “Miss Selina, would you please, we need to do a proper CT-scan at you.”

“At us, you mean?!” Selina Kyle a.k.a. the Catwoman finally barked. She had taken off her costume and basically was just wearing a hospital gown. She was lying down on the CT scan bed, her body slowly entered the humming CT scan machine, but she was still ready to claw and head-butt anyone who pissed her off right now. “Tell this woman to stop shouting at my head! It hurts!”

“I’m not shouting at your head,” Zatanna said.

“Not you!” Catwoman pressed her temples with both hands. “Tell Wonder Woman to shut up!”

“Miss Selina, you are disturbing the reading,” Alfred stated matter-of-factly.

“Are you really saying that…” Zee leaned forward, “…Diana is…somewhere inside your head? What’s this, “Being John Malkovich” The Live Show?”

“More like “Being Morgaine le Fay’s Victims” The Live Show,” Batman suddenly spoke without turning his attention away from his computer. “But I have a strong indication that this phenomenon is not what Morgaine intended. Otherwise, she would not have run away that soon.”

“With Mirror Master,” Alfred’s expert fingers ran through several sequences on his CT scan machine. “Who – if I may add – succeeded in taking several jewels from the display when the whole incident took place.”

“Bastard,” muttered Selina, almost to herself. “And those were some great pieces I wanted for myself…” She bit her tongue to prevent herself saying impolite things, for Alfred was assisting her to get out of the CT scan bed. “Thank you, Alfred…” she said politely, only to then suddenly straightened up and said, “Okay! Okay! I will say that, I will! Just shut up!”

“Say what?” Batman and Zatanna asked in unison; Alfred on the other hand just quirked one of his eyebrows.

“Wonder Woman wants me to ask you to check the Sultan Akbar necklace. It might be closely related to this…weird stuff. She thinks it has a magical property that Morgaine was looking for.” Catwoman sighed and added, “Yeah, whatever. You’re welcome.” To the obvious question marks floating above Batman and Zatanna’s heads, she said, “Don’t look at me like that! She just thanked me.”

“Soo…Diana is talking in your head now?” Zatanna tried to conclude. “Can she see me? Can she feel the surroundings?” When Catwoman shrugged an ‘I don’t care’, the Mistress of Magic took out a small blue velvet pouch from her pocket. “Sniff it, Selina. Don’t tell me what you think the scent is. Now ask Diana to tell me what it is?”

Catwoman exhaled a longer breath before asking, “Well? What do you think that stuff is?” She waited for a while. “No, I don’t think so. Are you sure?” To Zatanna, she finally said, “Lavender and sage. And she thinks that your new hair cut is nice,” add Selina as she rolled her eyes heavenwards.

“Is that what you think too, Selina?” Batman suddenly took an interest in Zatanna’s examination.

“The hair cut is nice, though I think the layers were overdone, and Zee can always use a bit of high lights. But the scent, I think it’s only lavender,” Selina admitted. “Diana said that it has a bit of sage in it.”

“Lavender, and a bit of sage, it is,” Zatanna confirmed. “So Diana’s senses are still functioning. What do you think this is all about, B?”

“I’m tempted to think that this is akin to Firestorm merging with Firehawk, but obviously she didn’t smell the surroundings the way Diana does,” Batman said. He suddenly produced a water carafe, filled and dripping with ice water and touched its side at Selina’s bare palm. “Does she feel this?”

“Hey! Watch out! It’s cold!” Selina growled before she sighed. “She thinks that it’s great, she’s been in need of something cold, and she wants to drink.” She rolled her eyes again. “Well, I DON’T want to drink! At least, I want an iced lemon tea, NOT plain water!”

“A glass of cold lemon tea then, Miss Selina?” No one knew if Alfred was joking or being sincere with his British manners.

“Does it mean that she has to drink for two?” Zee asked Batman in disbelief. A flicker of humor suddenly appeared in her eyes. “Does she have to eat for two now, too?!”

“Zee! I’m not friends with you anymore!” Selina made a frustrated and defeated expression when she said, “She wants some light supper, Alfred…”

“A glass of cold lemon tea and some light supper, then, Miss Selina and Miss Diana,” Alfred concluded leisurely before reporting to his master, “CT scan shows no sign of abnormal activities in Miss Selina’s brain, Master Bruce. It also shows the signs of one brain only, if I may add,” he added an afterthought before retreating back to his domain kitchen at the Manor above the Cave. “Oh, I’ve asked the computer to do a full analysis of Miss Selina’s systems, it will be ready shortly.”

“Firestorm and that woman inside her only eat for one!” Ignoring the polite-mannered butler, Selina glared at the cave owner. “Bruce! You’ve gotta do something!”

“Well, he is doing something, Selina honey,” Zatanna tried to stifle her laughter to no avail. “Just be patient.”

“You’re not the one with a princess in your head telling you what to do!”

“Really?” Batman spoke again with a bit of mirth in his voice. “That bossy? Even to you?!”

“What’s that suppose to mean?!” Catwoman was ready to kick Batman again.

“I think I need to find Mirror Master, Zee,” Batman suddenly rose from his chair. “You stay here and try some of your spells.”

Zatanna nodded in full servitude. “Yes, Sire. You know where to find him?”

“Of course,” was the snobbish answer of a Bat as he disappeared into the darkness.

-xxx-

A bowl of pumpkin soup, half a loaf of soft French bread, a glass of ice lemon tea and a handful of spells later, Selina Kyle sat down with Zatanna at one of the seats in the Cave. She had donned her Catwoman costume once more, sans goggles, cowl and gloves; her eyes were wandering helplessly towards the ceilings.

“Thanks for the supper, Alfred,” she finally said as Alfred returned to bring the plates back to the kitchen.

“You’re welcome, Misses,” Alfred was obviously addressing not only the visible women there, but also the invisible Diana. “Any of the spells work, Miss Zatanna?”

“No…” Zee was slouching at her seat. “Morgaine’s spells are strong, but I usually can counteract at least some of them. But this time…” she scratched her head, thinking, “I gotta funny feeling that it’s not only Morgaine’s spells that we’re dealing with here.”

“Well, I sincerely hope we can sort this out soon, Ladies,” Alfred retreated back to his kitchen. “There are two rooms available for you all upstairs, should you need to stay overnight.”

“Thank you Alfred,” Zatanna said absent-mindedly, her eyes fixed on the fidgety Catwoman in front of her, her fingers tapping the console methodically. “I might need to go grab my old spell book, Selina. Do you think –”

“No, I’m not doing that. Forget it, Princess!”

Zee tilted her head. “Forget what?”

Selina glowered. “She asked me to spin! She needs to talk to you directly. Can you imagine that?!”

“Really?” Zee leaned forward. “Interesting. What will happen if she becomes her… I mean, if you… revert back to the background? Can you feel what she touches, too?”

Obviously, Selina wasn’t listening to Zatanna. “I can’t do that!...Oh, brother!... Fine! Just for 15 minutes. No way! No, I won’t!” She finally slouched in defeat and whispered, “I hate you.” To Zatanna, she asked, “How do I spin?”

Zee bit her lips to suppress her laughter once more and pulled a somewhat serious face. “I think you need to…uhm… lift your hands a bit.” Her eyes darted quickly to the rest room in the Cave for. Longer than this, she really needed to pee and release herself in laughter.

“Clockwise. Right,” Catwoman was obviously talking to Diana, not Zatanna. “Lift hands?”

“Perhaps you can sing or hum a bit? You know… like the song theme for ‘Pretty Soldiers Sailor Moon’? It always works for those girls.” Zee suggested and ducked immediately as Catwoman’s cowl flew towards her. She kept grinning as Catwoman grumpily spun in front of her. A bright golden light engulfed Selina Kyle before she disappeared to let Wonder Woman take her spot.

Still in full Wonder Woman costume, Diana of Themyscira exhaled and grinned at Zee. “Phew… I never thought that Selina Kyle was so bossy.”

Zee grinned back. “Yeah, I know the feeling…”

-xxx-

The grim atmosphere of that particular slum section in East End was nothing compared to the gruesome expression of a fence who was examining a box of exquisite jewels inside his illegal shop. He played around with his out of date mustache before writing down a number and shoving the paper to his customer, who obviously disagreed with what he had written.

“At least you should gimme two million for these ones!”

“In your dreams, Mirror Master. How do I know these are the originals?”

“The Embassy of India sponsored this event, you idiot! Are you suggesting that they’re lying to the public?”

“Well, perhaps. Besides, this is not Koh-i-noor,” grinned the trader greedily. “That number is already a good offer you know? I suggest you take it.”

Mirror Master scowled and growled. “Well, I suggest you increase it, or else –”

“I suggest that you deliver them back to me and come with me to jail,” suddenly a grim tone was heard behind them. The jewelry trader squeaked a ‘Batman’ before he grabbed his gun and fired several times to the ceiling, of course to no avail. The slimy fence was down in three seconds after a left jab and a kick knocked him unconscious.

“Now, you…” Batman strode towards the pale-faced Mirror Master. “Don’t you think you can play around this time.” He slapped his opponent’s gun, grabbed him by the collar, and said in a very low and dangerous tone. “Talk. What did Morgaine le Fay offer you? Why did you help her, other than for the jewels? Most importantly, where is le Fay?”

Mirror Master still tried to keep his bravado intact. “And if I don’t want to tell you?”

Beneath his cowl, the Batman narrowed his eyes. He produced a grim smile that made Mirror Master regret what he had said earlier. “I think you’ll be ready not to eat solid food for several weeks.”

-xxx-

“I still don’t get it, Diana. Why the side effect? I get it that the necklace must have a magical property, that’s what Morgaine le Fay wanted…but why the strange side effect?” Zatanna paced back and forth around the Batcave platform.

“That’s why you and Batman need to get a hold of that jewelry,” Diana perched on the computer console, drumming her fingers absentmindedly. “We have to examine it independently.”

“I think the Embassy withdrew all the jewels immediately after the incident,” explained Zatanna, “which makes it rather impossible for us to get a hold on it…”

“Unless I ask the Embassy of India. They will listen to me.” Diana tilted her head and said, “No, we’re going as me, Selina. With all due respect, this is the time for diplomacy, not thievery.”

“She’s suggesting that you…her…whatever…steal the necklace?”

“She said it’s faster,” shrugged Diana. “And has more elements of adventure.”

Zee chuckled. “Typical.”

“She also said that she’s so not going to befriend you anymore.”

“That’s hardly news,” Zee released a short laughter. “So…what are you going to do?”

Diana yawned her answer. “I need to sleep. Tomorrow morning… well, in a few hours, I will go to the Embassy of India.” It was indeed already past 3 o’clock in the morning. “Are you sure that this face is my face, Zatanna? I don’t want to scare the Ambassador away.”

“If my memory serves me right, that’s still your face, Diana. But if you want to make sure, why don’t you just check…” Zee made a swiping movement, chanted ‘Rorrim raeppa’, and a small mirror suddenly materialized on her hand. “Here you go. See for yourself.”

Diana took the mirror, looked at her own reflection… and gasped. “Great Gaea!”

“What?!” Zatanna was suddenly alarmed. Upon Wonder Woman’s signal, she came to stand next to her and looked at the mirror… to see a piece of her own reflection…and Catwoman, glaring at her. No reflection of Wonder Woman whatsoever, though.

“Whuh!!!” Zee was totally taken by surprise. “How… how come?!”

“How the hell should I know?!” was Selina Kyle’s voice, but it had not originated from Diana. Instead, the voice came from inside the small mirror in Diana’s hand. Zatanna peeked into the mirror and saw Selina’s furious head talking to her. Inexplicably, Catwoman’s hand inside the mirror did not seem to hold a mirror. Both of her hands were free, and she was making movements that suggested her pacing back and forth in front of the mirror.

“Are you saying… are you saying…” stuttered Zee helplessly.

“That this is exactly what happened to me before,” Diana tried to explain. “I was trapped in a dimension akin to a bubble-glass, trying desperately to talk to anyone to help me.”

“Then, how could Selina be the only person to hear you?”

“Because of that damned necklace,” Selina retorted. “Diana and I were holding onto the necklace when Morgaine le Fay made a spell or something. When she screamed, I was the only one to hear her.”

“I did not scream,” Diana defended herself.

“You did, too.” Selina rolled her eyes heavenwards. “I thought my head was about to split, and I had a strange echo in my head. Anyway, Zee!” She returned her attention to Zatanna, “I agree that the necklace has a hocus pocus that we must investigate. What do you think?”

“I think…” Zatanna slowly said, “We’re in a veeery convoluted trouble, Ladies…”

-xxx-

Batman drove his latest incarnation of the Batmobile smoothly into the Batcave before parking it rapidly but neatly and got out of the vehicle. He still had no information of Morgaine le Fay’s whereabouts; Mirror Master was a coward, but a truthful coward he was. At least the mad scientist was back in Arkham again now, and the Dark Knight could focus his examination on the weird case of Wonder/Cat combo. Oh, and he had to do damage control and gossip control. Can’t imagine what Clark Kent would say if the Boy Scout found out that two of the most delicious and sexy female heroines and villains on Earth were now in his cave, in one package. But perhaps Clark was not the one to worry about. The images of Flash, Plastic Man, Kyle Rayner, Dick Grayson and Donna Troy gossiping were far more alarming for him. Oh… and Tom Tresser. What the hell should he tell that DMA agent?!

“Any luck, Zee?” he asked with his gravely tone as he walked up the Bat-platform… only to find Diana and Zatanna posing in front of a large, human-size mirror. What the heck?!

“Zatanna?” Trying to suppress his anger, Batman addressed Zatanna who was still more than 30 feet away from him. “I don’t have to say that it’s no time for fashion sense now. Catwoman spun again, I take it?”

“Yes, Bruce,” was Diana’s calm answer, her fingers cupped her own chin as she looked into the mirror. “And we’re having a discussion with her, if you don’t mind.”

Before Batman had a chance to ask the next question, he heard Selina’s irritated voice coming from the mirror. “I am NOT going to wait for you doing your stupid ambassadorial paperwork!”

“But I’ve agreed to wait on you while you’re patrolling, Catwoman,” Wonder Woman also argued back to the mirror. “We have to accept our situation now, and the best course of action now is to divide our time equally. What do you think, Zatanna?”

“What the hell is happening, Zee?!” was Batman’s next question as he strode closer to the women. Apparently though, his Bat-glare did nothing to make Zatanna answer his question. The Mistress of Magic still frowned at the mirror before suggesting, “I think you have to take Diana’s offer, Selina. You’re still going to sleep in your apartment anyway. You just have to…follow her schedules a bit, as she does yours.”

Batman finally arrived next to Diana and Zatanna. He craned his neck to see the mirror, made a silent ‘oh’, and then toned down his voice. “So, you were trapped inside another dimension when Selina was with us, Diana?” Upon Diana’s nod, he resumed. “And the only way not to listen to her talking in to your head now is to stand in front of a mirror?”

“Yes, so she can be herself, and I can be me,” explained Wonder Woman. “Catwoman, we have to make up our mind soon. I’m not going to waste my time arguing while I can get some good sleep…of sort.”

Catwoman, who had also been silent for a while, was now diverting her attention to Batman. “You’ve got Morgaine, Bruce?” Upon Bruce’s silent answer, she slouched in defeat. “So, we have to get the damned necklace to get her.”

Zatanna nodded. “And you have to go to Diana’s place to get some sleep first.”

“And yes, I know you hate us all, Selina,” Diana concluded Zee’s sentence. “Can we leave now?” Upon Selina’s nod, Diana gave Zatanna a signal. Zee nodded and wiped away the mirror.

“Have a nice sleep, girls,” said Zee teasingly, knowing that Diana would not bark at her. She was right; Diana just grinned, said a good night to Bruce and “don’t forget to call me anytime about this, Bruce!” and flew out of the cave, into the night. Zatanna sighed and caught the way Batman looked at her.

“Hey, don’t blame me! At least you should be grateful! What if the three of us were inside one body now? Who would have the worst headache?!”

“It’s. Not. Funny. Zee,” growled the Bat.

-TBC-