Done Deal

Posted: 07.22.2006

Author: Batman_Wolverine (a.k.a. Bruce Logan)
Fandom: DC (No-specific-verse but closest to the DCAU, i.e. the Animated Universe, the JLU series in particular)
Genre: Romance, Humor
Pairing/Characters: Do I even need to write it? Well, Batman-Wonder Woman
Rating: PG13/15
Summary: Nothing specific, just me trying to get back to when I wrote shorter lighter stories. Basically Bats-Wondy fluffy goodness.
Series: Oneshot (1/1)
Spoilers: No specific spoilers. Just mentions and wild speculations. (Superman Returns, Justice League of America #0, Catwoman #59, Batman #655, Son of the Demon)
Notes: Takes place in current DC Comics Universe i.e. OYL/post-Crisis

Author's Note: I wrote all of this in one sitting, no corrections or rewrites, and as always, no beta. (I am not patient enough). So, please allow for spelling and grammatical mistakes…and redundancies.

Disclaimer: Don't own Batman, Wonder Woman or any other related character. All owned and copy righted by DC. There are no OCs in this story.

AARRRGGHH!!

That would have been the reaction, the cry for help, for anyone else in the situation this man was. But as with everything else in his life, he did not do things as others would…for he wasn’t like any other man on earth. He was the night. He was the vengeance. He was a super-genius mind housed in a body honed to perfection. He was the Dark Knight of Gotham, the man who by the sheer strength of his will had taken a lawless city and brought law to it.

He, man enough to know his fears, never let them overwhelm him instead using them…forging and wielding them into a weapon, one that he used in his never-ending war on crime.

Maybe that’s why instead of crying out in frustration, he wanted to tear out his ‘Bat-ears’ and shove them in his human ones.

That way he would just have to see it and not hear it…hear her.

And while he was at it, he might also be able to get that visual out of his mind, the visual that so pure, so beautiful, so fulfilling that it bordered on the nightmarish.

---

“Batman. Bruce? BRUCE!!”

“Huh?! Wha-What?” He scowled, doing his best to not swallow his tongue at the sight before him, the one that was presented by her leaning towards him, her face inches away from his and her…

‘Oh God! Please no…not this way. Not. This. Way.’ He pleaded inwardly. With the way she stood, drawing in deep breaths to temper her anger, Bruce couldn’t help but look at it…look at them. ‘Oh no. Not the jiggle.’ He choked at the reaction that her tilting of the head had on the rest of her body, and also on his.

Still making a mental note to engineer extra ‘expansion space’ in his costume, Bruce all but forgot the reason why he was here.

Thankfully, she was more than ready to remind him why, as also why he was also speculating how to build an emergency transport module into his belt. If he tied it to the transporter back at the cave, it would be a great help in getting out of tight space.

Speaking of tight, was he just dreaming or had her costume, the upper half, looked to have a little more snug a fit today. ‘Oh,’ going through his mental calendar it took him all but a couple of seconds to realize that thankfully enough his eyes hadn’t been deceiving him. ‘Uh-Oh. That would mean…’ he gulped at the proposition of facing an Amazon, this specific Amazon, when she was on ‘her time of the month’.

‘Maybe that’s why she’s acting the way she is?’ He tried to lie to himself. Maybe if he did it enough time, that is before she gave up trying to talk to him and just beat him into a pulp, maybe then he would be able to get some logical reasoning going…. ‘Ugh. Don’t even say the ‘R’ word.’ The Bat, and even that punter was shivering, reminded him. ‘Remember what she did to the gargoyles. Just think what would happen if she put even half that strength and squeezed out boys.’

---

“What! WHAT? How dare you?” Once again he found himself lost at her latest blow-up. What happened now? ‘Oh, yes.’ He recalled his blubbering from just a few seconds ago. He was pretty sure that she would take it as….

“At least have the decency to pretend to listen to me when I talk to you.”

….that he wasn’t paying attention to her. And knowing as well as she knew him, knew the Bat, a temporary amnesia clause wouldn’t pass. Maybe he could use J’onn and a telepathic conversation as a…

“And don’t you dare try bringing J’onn or any other telepath into this.” That’s not going to work Ol’ Chum.

“And I also know that your Rat-communicator didn’t ring.” Ooh, going in for the Rat-kill. Better pay attention now.

But how could he or anyone else even think with those two…. “Oh no, not the jiggle. The jiggle, it blinds me.’


He was ready to place a call to the Joker himself, if nothing else than to ask him out for a game of croquet, complete with Harl and her babies. Or maybe Harvey would want another of their chess-games, a tradition that ran to this day, even after his friend had been lost to the man inside him. Or maybe Ivy had a new rose that she wanted him to smell and give his expert opinions over, as to whether it would be a pleasing scent for the people of Gotham to smell as they got turned into plants.

Anything?

Anyone?

Yoo-Hoo! Bat in distress here. Please break out, commit a crime, heck even a jay-walking violation by Scarface, anything to get away from this PMS-ing…ugh, ‘Stand up straight and stop jiggling so much.’ He cursed her, before turning his gaze downwards towards himself. ‘And you. Sit. Stay. Come on buddy, its starting to pain now. That guard is calibrated for a .22 shot, I don’t think you will be able to break through that.’

Almost as if having grown a ‘little mind’ of its own, a voice replied from within him. ‘Wanna bet. Just look at her. A .22, I’d bet our balls on getting past a .45 rated barrier.’

---

“Are you going to answer me or not?” He let out a Bat-sigh of relief as she straightened up to stand in her trademark, hands on the hips pose. Using a quick but an ancient yogic chant, he closed off a part of his mind, the part that wanted her to lean back down, only this time instead of the three feet distance he wanted that jiggling twins to be right in his face…well, he wanted his face in them, on them, between them, every and which way. ‘But lets not get confused with specifics.’

“Yes.”

“Yes!” She didn’t expect him to give in, at least not so easily.

“Yes, I’ll answer your question.” ‘Hmph.’ Her surprise gave way to the familiar and time nurtured frustration. ‘Should have known. The infernal Snarfblat Werbler.’ She groused, not caring what that last curse meant, only remembering it from where she’d heard it. The Tamaranean Princess, Ko’riander, Starfire of the Teen Titans.

“And…”

“Diana…” He lifted his hand towards her, holding it up, waiting patiently until she gave in, accepted it and allowed herself to be led the two feet to the nearest chair.

‘If she’s sitting on it, she might not use it as a weapon projectile,’ the brilliant strategist inferred. ‘At least not for her first attack salvo.’


“Diana I…” He knew he couldn’t just brush her off, as he done every other time. This time, not only had she confronted him directly, wasn’t just a question of what him but also her…of what had caused her take this step, to get past her pride and warrior spirit and…

He stopped himself from thinking any further. It only served to bring back those nightmarishly beautiful visuals, visuals he was fighting from giving in and turning into a reality.

“Bruce.” Her sigh told her that she had done all she could…all she would. After all, even though she had pushed past them, her Amazonian upbringing wouldn’t allow her to forget and forgo her teachings, her heritage.

Now it was up to him.

“I-I do…” he did not want to look in those eyes of her, eyes that held the promise of all the love in the world, eyes that were currently glimmering, but not for the right reasons. “I don’t think I am the right person…”

“Dick.” She didn’t even allow him to complete his sentence, knowing from experience (even if it was just in physical combat), that allowing the Batman to get the upper hand was as good as just acceding the fight. And that she wasn’t ready to do. Not this time.

“Dick? Dick…” He allowed the name to linger, knowing that there was reason why she used it, and just it. “With him it is…it was different.”

“You mean he isn’t yours?” The second the words left her lips, she knew that she’s said wrong. More than anyone else, maybe even more than Alfred, the closest thing he had to a father, it was Dick who was family to Bruce. Not only was he the first ‘partner’ that the loner Batman ever took, not only had been his ward and then son, Richard Grayson was also the heir, not only to Bruce Wayne but also to the Batman. And that fact was known by every single hero or villain who knew about the Batman and his family…which given the time he had been in the business, meant, almost the whole Superhero and Villain community knew who Nightwing was.

“I guess you would use the same excuse for Robin.” She deliberately used Tim Drake’s hero name, not because she had anything against the street smart and full of life youngster but because she wanted to alternate her hits between Bruce and the Bat.

His silence confirmed her suspicion, her dulling eyes not noticing how hard he was restraining himself from leaning forward and pull her into his arms, to wash away the sadness he was filling within them.

----

“Diana,” finally giving in, just a little, he reached forward and took a slender hand within his gloved one. “You can have anyone.”

“Anyone?” The innocent way in which she echoed his last word did its best to disguise the bitterness behind it. That she gave away by squeezing his hand, rather strongly…strong enough for him to feel a part of her pain.

“Yes.” He nodded, and took the plunge into the deep end. “You and Clark…”

“What about me and Kal?” There was that blasted name again. Kal? Might as well name him Rufus or Fufu or Tommy. At least those would be acceptable petnames.

And on the point of back again, if she continued her squeezing, not only was she going to fracture his hand, she was downright going to crush it.

“The two of you...” She could almost see the scowl behind the cowl as he forced himself to speak the words.

“Bruce,” this time instead of squeezing, she yanked the limb, thankfully not hard enough so as to pull it out of his socket. “Stop it. Stop what you are going to say. Neither is there a Wonderdome here nor do we live in a skewed up (Reganesque) utopia where you have become a senile old fart and Kal a lackey for the government. And for that matter, we are also not going into Kingdom Come.”

Why did she have to know him so well? Wasn’t it enough that she possess the beauty that no one in eternity, let alone him, deserved? A loving heart that anyone would give their soul to have? Couldn’t she had given at least one flaw…than the ones that just made all the more endearing?

Why did she have to be so damn perfect? Perfect above anyone….perfect for him.

“ How about Trevor…” with the main threat, the Super-one, taken care off, he unknowing started to go through the list of other possible challengers.

“Which one?” Once again, she was ready for him. “As for Trevor Barnes, I really don’t know what were they thinking. It was clear from the get-go that that setup wouldn’t last. We were just too different, and even though I enjoyed Trevor’s company, I couldn’t see myself…doing this with him.”

“Oh.” Bruce almost whimpered at the mental Bat-cheerleaders that popped up within him. ‘Go Diana Go. Go Diana Go. Gggoooo…DIANA!!’ What was he? The Flash? Or worse…Plasticman?

“And as for Steve Trevor,” Dian continued her explanation. “Had it been the Steve we met during out time traveling mission during World War II, I might have thought…” She stopped at feeling Bruce’s fingers dig into her palm. One look at him told her that he truly did not know about his subconscious reaction to her words. “And as for the one we have now, the one who is supposed to be the first man on Themiscyra in millennia, my close friend, I wouldn’t give him the time of the day, let alone anything else. And giving up immortality for him? For that Twit.”

Even the Batman cracked a smirk at that.

---

There could a thousand other questions he could put up, hundreds of excuses, reasons for not taking this step…this path. He could do it all. Even in his current mental state….he could. If he did not want to, there would be no power strong enough to stop him, to make him do what he was going to do.

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

‘Here we go again.’ “Yes, I will do it.”

“Oh.” It took her a second to grasp it. He had just said yes. But for what about…? “But…”

“But?” One simple word and he cringed at the implications of what would follow it.

“What about you? What about…” she didn’t complete her sentence, instead reaching to side grabbed the file lying on the table, which she then held out to him.


It took him all of a few seconds to flip through the three sheets of paper in the files, two of which pertained to him. For good measure he even went through the last article, finally getting what had caused her to do this...the proverbial stone that broke the camel’s back.

“This is all that this is about?” He held up the file’s contents and used it gesture between the two of them.

“Bruce I…” She stopped, suddenly feeling very exposed and equally, if not more, stupid for it. “Yes.”

“You actually believed these and let them affect you?” His tone was incredulous.

---

Both of them grew silent after that, he thinking about what changes this decision would entail (for both of them), while she fearing that he would draw away once again.

“I have one condition.” He finally spoke.

“Of course you do.” She hated herself for sounding so needy. Hera! What was she? An Amazon or a Sheep? She might as well be bleating. ‘Meeehhhh…Pick Meeehh.’ Sheesh.

“I-I…” ‘Okay buddy, here goes everything.’

“I…” ‘You can do it.'

“I…” ‘All alright already. Say it NOW!!’

Now she was really interested. What was it that had got the Batman so tongue tied. And oh, what was that? Was that sweat glistening on the underside of his cowl, just above his cheek?

“Bruce…” She second she touched him, he jumped like a scalded cat, his tongue loosening finally.

“I don’t want this to be just a one time arrangement.”

“What-Oh…You don’t?” Her reaction was just as un-warrior-like. “You don’t?” The second time around it was much more relaxed, much more soft.

“No, I don’t.” He pulled back the mask to face her naked. “If I am…if we are going to do this, to have this, it has to be for keeps.”

“For keeps?”

“Yes.” He knew that she would understand what for keeps meant. At least he thought she did. “For keeps…a permanent arrangement. Exclusive.”

---

This time around it was his turn to do mental ‘biting nails’ at the silence that stretched while waiting for her reaction, her answer.

Finally, after what seemed like ages, a smile started to stretch across her lips. “Exclusive huh?”
“Yes.”

“Meaning the both us…just the two of us.”
“Yes.”

“We do this, only with each other.”
“Yes.”

“And no one else.”
“Yes.” He hissed this time around. She was having just too much fun and all of it on his behalf.

“So…” she stretched the word out, trailing once slender finger long the gloved hand, continuing up the Nomex-Kevlar covered arm. “Now that we agree, when do we start on this…venture.”

“Whenever you want.” He did not trust himself to give out longer answers, especially not with her doing what she was doing, breathing the way she was breathing, her breaths causing the heaving… ‘Note to self. Heaving. Even better and lethal than jiggling.’

“Whenever I want?”
“Ye…”

She did not even allow him to answer, literally pulling him off his chair and onto herself, their lips instantly mashing against each others.

---

Sometime later,

Walking into the conference room, Flash’s attention was drawn to the file on the table.

“Hmm. Looks like someone forgot…Oh, hey,” he grinned as he read through the headlines.

‘Superman Returns – Superman has a son, but Lois chooses another!’

‘DC makes Son of the Demon canon.’

‘Catwoman #59. The father of Catwoman's baby revealed!’

“Heh. Better hide these,” he quickly pocketed the three pages. Already Big Blue was on the warpath against anyone who even so much as so mentioned the latest movie about him. The league sure as hell did not need Bats going off the deep end too (god knows how close he already was). And for that matter, if Diana even saw these two articles about 'Meow-Cat' and 'Fruit of the Demon’s Loins', there would be hell to pay…especially for Bats.

“And we all know who gets it the most when Bats’ is all Dark Knight. Me! After all, someone did says, Prevention is better than the…uh, what was it. Yes! Prevention is better than the Curry! Huh?” That didn’t quite sound right. “But I bet, it would taste just right, great in fact. Now where is that Indian restaurant Di told me about?” He walked, scratching his head, missing the small piece of black leather lying in Diana’s usual seat.

---

Elsewhere, within a certain ‘Cave in the Sky’,

‘Good work,’ the ever logical Bat was still on duty, although of a different kind. ‘Remember to update the cave database with the final results.’

‘Regarding whether Amazonian pregnancies are as long as normal humans.’
 

Note: Same as from the start. I wrote all of this in one sitting, no corrections or rewrites, and as always, no beta. (I am not patient enough). So, please allow for spelling and grammatical mistakes…and redundancies.